This post may sound morbid but is not intended to be. At several points in my life I was taught about poise, professionalism, appearances, etc. You could call it "training to project a certain image." In fact, you can see this "image" often on television personalities, celebrities, and marketing/public relations professionals. I know you know the image of which I'm speaking.
During this "training," one of the questions we had to answer was "How would you like to be remembered at your funeral?" Well, this is actually a trick question in disguise. For some reason, there is a lure toward answering this question in such a way that you'd like to be thought of as, for example, a good mother, best friend, dedicated worker, a lover of whatever, etc. For some reason, people would like tons of people at their funeral, thinking the more people, the better. At one time, I would have answered that question the same way. Now I view the answer differently.
So, how would I like to be remembered at my funeral? I would like people to say that Steph deserved to die.
First if all, this holds me responsible to live my life according to whether or not I believe that death is a punishment or a reward. Either way, my life on earth will be the best life that I can lead.
Secondly, this way of thinking tests others' view of my death as my punishment or my reward. If others view my death as my punishment (or even as my reward), then let them be held responsible for their view.